“At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss.”
~Paulo Coelho, from Eleven Minutes

I began my writing career some thirteen years ago, which is to say I began the work of learning and mastering (if there is such a thing) this craft around 1997 after my return home from the Marine Corps—a place that contributed to some of the most powerful aspects and characteristics of my life to this day. It was a time in my life when I gave way to a darker force, surrendering all of myself for a chance to learn how to truly master the power of the tongue. In a foreign land across the ocean, somewhere around 1995 in a dark piece of South Korea (where I will not further divulge) I met a stranger and in casual conversation I made an exchange of my soul for ideals and philosophies that today I struggle to peel away, one piece at a time, one day at a time. I became so acclimated with the darkness that it became part of my mind, my body and my soul, so thoroughly engrained, that to remove myself from that life has been similar to trying to erase memories of my existence. It has taken me many years to get to a place where people see a greater light where a shadow once loomed. When the time came for me to remove myself from that certain walk of life, I struggled dearly to save my own life. I experienced aspects of a spiritual world so frightening that I can’t help but laugh at someone who says there is no such world, for I have witnessed things that would scare a non-believer onto their knees if not for anything but to beg for a means to pray. These experiences would forever play important roles in my life as a writer. The more in touch I became with my abilities as a writer, the greater the complexity of pull from both sides. The whispers which have become my muse started almost to the very moment I surrendered my life to God, and at the same time, my gift of discernment flourished and transformed into a life of its own within a gift of written words. Today I better understand what I had stirring in my soul as a child. Today I better understand how to provide an outlet for the darker side of my soul, whereas the shadow thinks I am giving it life, but in reality I am masking the truth behind the power of fiction.

Dreams have always been a part of who I am, visions and premonitions tormented me as a child, leaving me awake many nights to cry under the covers, on sheets that would be soiled before the morning sunrise. I thought perhaps it was only a phase, but not long after going overseas that same shadow, the one that haunted my early childhood, reappeared in the orient and I knew it wasn’t a coincidence but a revelation of who I was or what I might become. I fought it which is to say I ignored it and shared this with no one, and when I got tired of feeling abnormal, I surrendered to it—to him. This lasted for approximately five years before another powerful force entered my life, dictated and determined by signs that were unavoidable. My desires to write exploded when I converted my life in service to the Lord God. All I learned from my days in the shadow were not erased or replaced, but enhanced, with a heightened sense of purpose now replacing a desire for the self. It was not long after making this choice [that] I began this quest as an author, writer, artist and contributor to the soul of humanity. I set off on the road less traveled—the street of dreams—thinking I was doing it for myself, but realizing, now many years later, that it was for you.

Since setting sail on this journey, beginning this quest to fulfill a literary dream, I have learned more and discovered more of my true self. My patterns of work, the principles and virtues that have bound me to my decisions and my fate and the philosophies of life as an artist are a direct reflection of the journey I set out to participate within and become consumed by. I have surrendered much and lost much more along the way. If one were to evaluate my life on paper, then I believe they might say I don’t have much of a life at all. If you instead measured my life by what I have acquired in terms of self-discovery, then for as hard as it has been to obtain, I have acquired much. But for every ounce of wisdom, there were pounds of pressure I had to endure on this struggle to see my dream become a reality. For every grain of knowledge I acquired in experience, I spent hours becoming the fool.

I have lost the faith and confidence of family members, time with my children I will never get back, a place to live or a consistency in anything called home, clothing, material items, a steady diet, sleep, money, bank accounts, credit and friendships in pursuit of this dream. Yes, there was a time when I would light up with excitement at the very idea of sampling a taste of this dream. Today, that is gone, replaced now by the reality of truth that anything worth having will be hard to come by and patience is acquired when you are forced to sit still, with nothing in your possession to occupy that space of mind called desire. I have discovered that the realm of desire and fantasy or the world of dreams isn’t far from the abyss, but actually rather close to it. Because the closer you get to see your dream become a reality, the darker the clouds, the heavier the rain and the less shelter there is to shield your body from the elements that are purposed only to destroy you. There is light at the end of the tunnel, that is for sure, but you must remember you are in a tunnel, a tunnel that oftentimes does not have light and a tunnel that has many holes, cracks and alternate pathways.

I have in my favor the memories of the shadow and my darker days, which ironically have given strength to my ability to represent the light. I have traveled far enough on this road that I cannot go back, for I have lost everything I started with and I have nothing but the road ahead. Some days there is sunshine but on most days it will rain. The difference I think is having the ability to look past the storm clouds and use the wisdom obtained to know it is only water—and water is symbolic of the life force that comprises who we are, where we come from and how we survive.

Yes, the traveler who ventures out to pursue a dream does so with a youthful naivety, excited and encouraged by what they may become, but upon arrival, wherever and whenever that moment may be, they are different, weathered by a storm not familiar to most, as most of us will only know the simple rain, but never witness the storm whose archetypical function is to destroy you before you reach the roads end. How long you participate within the travels of such a road will be determined by what you set out to achieve and how much you can emotionally, physically, and spiritually endure. Just when you think you left with nothing, you realize what nothing truly means. Just when you think you understand humility, you are humbled on the side of the road. Just when you think you are appreciative, you learn the value of the smallest things. And just when you think you knew yourself, you come face to face with who and what you really are.

It is my life now to live and maintain my youthful spirit, a spirit who wants to do well with the opportunity it has been given, and it is my mind and my wits that will help me survive the abyss, which is always on the other side of this road less traveled. 

I will forever have one foot in the fairy tale and one foot in the abyss, for they are one and the same, and they are me.

"The closer you get to your dream, the more your Personal Legend becomes your real reason for living."

~Paulo Coelho, from "The Alchemist"


There was a time some years ago when I thought I understood the complexity of these simple words. When I look at them today I realize I did not have the faintest idea what they truly meant in relation to the struggle an artist must undergo as they move up the mountain towards the mystical realm of success. In this life, we all struggle, some greater than others and some consistently greater than all. I do feel however those who possess the artist's soul suffer far more than the common man or woman, if not for anything else, but the pressure and the burden of responsibility of their gifts. Artists envision things most people will never see and they understand things most people will never comprehend. They hear the faintest whispers of the world around them and then, they hear the other whispers, those which torment their soul at night. They long for attention for the sake of thirsting egos, as criticism is the thorn in their side and compliments and praise are their Sirens. And, when they find themselves swarmed within the world which they fashioned, they scurry, racing away without warning to crevices and cracks in dark places, to find sanctity from the reality of the life they have created. It is a pattern that sparks arousal, mystique and disgust from those burdened to partake alongside them in their euphoria and their suffering.

There is a certain level of responsibility due those who are gifted with the artist's soul and because of that, a greater challenge and walk in the journey and quests of our life. But, I do see today that journey has a purpose. I understand today that my path, unworn and unknown by those around me—those who would try so desperately to love me—does have reason and purpose within it. Like Robert Frost, I have bragged of the "road less traveled" when in actuality, it was a psychological means to mask my commonality from those who expected much more from me, as though I did not have the right to be ordinary or complacent. I can only sum up this unbeaten path, this long and winding road as this: I struggle and have struggled as a person, for the sake of my art, so that my art would not destroy me. For to be elevated to high regard, with such talents as have been given to me, without however obtaining any real experience of life--from both the clean waters and the most murky creeks--would have destroyed me. My life has taken a course that I did not want, and I have ventured and endured things I did not want to understand, but I realize now, it was for the sake of my art, so that I could become a beacon of light and true representative of the soul of humanity--not simply for myself, but for those who would dare to pursue their dreams after me. I suffer and have suffered for each of you, so that I could offer substance and value and reason to your journey on the quest to find your place in relation to your dreams. It seems everyone loves the ocean and yet we don't all have the courage to jump in the deep waters and just when one of us does, the world will not lend a hand, but rather wait and watch, to see if you will drown. The world watches your struggle to survive, not in hopes of your demise, but in hope that you might show them the way to the wondrous islands on the other side of those dark and dangerous waters.

When I look back at my life, my early youth and my aspirations I never imagined I would end up where I am today--not physically or financially--but spiritually, emotionally and of course, in direct correlation with who I have become as an artist and contributor to the lives of others. I had no idea I would become this man but looking back, today, I better understand the reasons and alterations of my life's course, from things I wanted to do with my life to things life has determined I will do instead. I once feared the duality of virtue that dominated my life, tearing me from one side and ripping me away from the other but today I embrace it, welcome it, knowing full well not every writer has the capacity to identify with people on both sides of the pendulum of existence. Today I understand not every writer would dare venture into the darkness to better appreciate the light, nor appreciate the light for sake of the darkness.

I am liberated today by the falling of the shroud from my eyes, from the path that seemed to wind ever onward without end in sight and today, instead of fearing it, or like so many nights spent hoping I could perhaps end my own life in spite of it, I welcome the journey and I appreciate the role I am to play for the sake of others. I am liberated to know I have the power to forgive myself of my past, releasing myself from the burdens I thought were placed in my life by others. I am liberated as an artist by the understanding that my past is my past—a mere footprint on a path so few will take—and my demons are no longer the rulers of my mind, but ephemeral reminders of where I have been and how far I have traveled.

It is true, as Paulo Coelho says, "the closer you get to your dream, the more your Personal Legend becomes your real reason for living." The further I sway from the road I think I am supposed to be on, the more I understand the complexity of preparation in each step of this present course--the road that bears greater burden, this path of struggle—and what role the struggle signifies for my future. The higher you climb on the mountain, the lonelier the road. The higher I climb, the less people I will see, and of those few, the greater few to mentor me. As I press onward, I identify with less on an individual basis, but identify with many as I serve the masses. And the further I walk this road less traveled, the more I lose along the way, and yet still, the greater my gain for it seems the closer I get to becoming nothing more than the dream, the closer I get to becoming all I was born to be--all that was given to me at birth--and all I shall be forever.

Today, I am the dream and the dream has become me.   

~Bobby Ozuna |  Jan 21, 2010

The Hero and His Mentor

It was in Homer’s The Odyssey we first learned (or discovered the use) of the word mentor, which was actually a character portrayed as the guide to the hero Telemachus on his journey. Today we use the term mentor to describe someone (or perhaps some thing) that aids us on our own personal quests towards fulfillment, be it physical, mental, or spiritual. A more loosely defined term of the word mentor could be someone who helps in the aid of our growth, whether through a difficult situation or period of our life, someone who nurtures and helps ‘take us under their wing’ as we learn a series of skills or perhaps someone who acts as a pillar of stability during various phases of our growth and development. Either way, it seems the word mentor better fits our society when describing a person who in some way, helps develop our personal growth or teaches us to bear the burdens of our seasons as we push through the trials, tribulations and adversity of Life. Everyone, at some point in their life or another either plays mentor to, or is aided in some way, by what the psychologist Carl Jung calls, the archetype: mentor.

Christopher Vogler in his work, “The Writer’s Journey—Mythic Structure for Writers” says a mentor (figure) is “an archetype found frequently in dreams, myths, and stories [which is] usually a positive figure who aids or trains the hero.” Joseph Campbell described this archetype in his work “The Hero With a Thousand Faces” as “The Wise Old Man” or “Wise Old Woman” depending, of course, upon the particular role they fit within the journey or quest of the hero. Christopher Vogler goes on to say of the mentor, “This archetype is expressed in all those characters who teach and protect heroes and give them gifts.”

In dealing with and addressing the adversity and the conquests of my own writer’s journey, I can’t help but consider recognizing the person(s) who has played the greatest mentor to my work as an author—to my work as an artist within the soul of humanity. For me, there are two figures that have represented the beacon of light and stability through my most trying course of life—my most difficult season of my life. In the spiritual realm of understanding and dealing with the complexity and power of a gift such as mine, it has been my faith in God and my time spent getting to know and understand—by biblical definition—what my gift means in relation to my life. In the physical realm of the actual practiced work of becoming a better writer, it has been for me the author Paulo Coelho. Therefore, in honor and tribute to both my faith in God and the philosophy of Jesus Christ and also my appreciation for the works and life of Paulo Coelho, I am dedicating a new series of blog articles to them, but on your behalf. As inspiration for each posting, I will share a quote from Mr. Coelho or a scripture from the Holy Bible and shed light on the truth within my struggle to come to terms with my gift(s) as the person you have come to know today. I shall call this blog content: The Hero & His Mentor.

...To Be Continued...

~Bobby Ozuna
author of PROUD SOULS